Seventh-day Adventist® Church

Many lights on but I'm overcome with and overwhelmed by the shadows of my life. Many smiles, the laughter of a jovial man but broken am I. Pain violently crushing my spirit; unforgiven by the one who knows the truth, me!! The regrets; bad decisions; disappointment flooding my thoughts. Dreams, drowned in tears. Self-pity has no effect - nothing left to pity. I'm tired of beating my own drums, no rhythm left to uplift my spirit. Rather now the cracking of the wipe I made the words of God, I run in fear of the very words that brought me comfort. 

What is wrong with me? Why do I want a castle but not worthy to be a king? How do I lead? What example would I set? I'm tired and in pain. Tired and in shame. I feel worthless, what does it take to be a man? Can a man be ravaged by his own thoughts? How can I be divided by me and myself, how can I win the battle that never ends? Questions asked but I can't answer me cause I lost track of who I am. Once thought I knew the joy of my life - now, I know I was blind. Feeling like shattered glass swept up in one dustpan but the pieces still divided. 

When will I give You everything God? Is it too late to give all I have? Is it disrespectful of me to give You nothing? I ask because it feels like that's all I have left. Broken pieces of a vessel You wanted to use. Am I the salt that has lost its flavor? I know how You see me but I can't seem to see me as You do. Sigh!!! God take me, help me to die to self. I'm tired!!!